freaking grief.

December 26, 2010

… and while that may be an honest decision to re-begin a blog in the shape of the bible, or a banana, or a bicycle- or- or whatever, I’m also- me. Silly. Occasionally vacuous, occasionally- occasionally resenting intrusions into my privacy, even though it was myself who opened up this passageway into my thoughts. I don’t have to like it, do I? I still don’t know, really, where the lines are between what I should think out loud and what I shouldn’t. So I am flippant, therefore. And whimsical. And being myself, I like talking. About- about everything.

Well, about everything as it pertains to myself. The self is everyone’s favourite topic in conversation- call me a cynic, but this is truth, mostly. If I want to have a long conversation with someone, I ask them questions about themselves. And then we natter away for hours on end, and I learn- stories. Stories and stories and stories, and people- and then I come here or to my computer or to the big scratchy black books I fill up with my own histrionical handwriting, and I talk about myself a bit, because I suppose I have no-one to tell my stories to.

Maybe I just talk better alone.

On that note, I would like to inquire as to whether I’m a) hormonal or b) just becoming extremely sentimental lately. God? Your opinion? I am tearing up like nothing on end! While listening to Owl City! And- and reading his blog. I- Christians. Christians, my family, kinship- God- I- either it’s the onslaught of supremely dry eyes, or- oh. Oh, right. God.

God being Goddish.

Trust God to grab a hold of my lungs and my breathing and my- my heartstrings (this feels wrong- saying all this- this is what I say on my own, to myself, in private, filling up the document spaces on my computer with my own breathing. What am I to do? What am I to do? I bet you I’m about to bleed, is what this is-) with, with. God!

Another reason this could be a bad thing is my descent into incoherency. Sometimes I will not say these things to you because they are my own.

this is a very abrupt way to end a blog post. I’m sorry. Blog is a funny word, isn’t it?

I’m going to go write.

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