decisions in the night.

April 16, 2012

I am not cutting off anyone’s hands, for any reason. At the moment.

I need to be careful. I really need to be careful. I need to know what I am doing, know why I’m doing it, and then be strong and decisive and disciplined enough to not let myself do it. A lot of living nowadays is about self-control, is about discipline. Is about learning to say no to the things that are bad for you and yes to the things that are good, no matter how much you want one or dislike the other.

We are too used to indulgence. I am too used to saying yes to myself.

But there are some things I must learn to say no to, and that is cutting off other people’s hands. Deliberately. If I have hands to give in return, if I have hands to give in trade, if I am willing to replace the cut-offs with my own hands- a donation, if you will- then yes, I will hacksaw with a will. I will saw through bones and sew them back up again with my own fingerless heart. But if I have nothing to give back then I will not, I will not take out that hammer and those screws and those pliers. I will not fetch that knife. I will not cut off your hands.

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