little snips of nagging guilt

May 13, 2012

and maybe if I keep saying ‘tomorrow will be better’, tomorrow will be better.

 

I met someone recently who said ‘first world problems’ at me. and when I told him that actually, I hated that phrase and felt it belittled pain in general, ‘yes, but for example, sometimes depressed people are full of self-pity’. Paraphrase mine, but that was the gist. And I agreed that yes, yes they are. We are. It’s called learned helplessness. But also, sometimes we are full of self-pity because we believe no-one else gives a damn and someone has to. We have to believe we matter somehow, even if only we care, because sometimes we’re that close to the fucking ledge. But thank you, thank you for invalidating us. Thank you for making me feel guilty for being like this, like I just don’t have enough willpower to stop feeling like shit and that if I pulled my socks up high enough everything would be sunshine.

fuck. you.

 

this is not a good day. tomorrow will be better.

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