March 7, 2013

people at Carey keep talking about love. it’s deeply disconcerting. it is deeply disconcerting.

I don’t think I’ve ever been in another environment where how much God loves us is continually, continually being brought up, all the time, by people all over the place. And not just in a superficial way, or in a Let Us Witness To The Heathen kinda way. I’ve been here two weeks and I feel like I’m simply being handed insight into how God loves us, why he loves us and simply that he loves us, over and over and over again.

Srsly. I chat with a new friend in the library and he’s talking about wanting to fully and completely experience the love of Christ, and he’s not talking about some vague esoteric waffly waffledom. He’s talking about love, like the break-your-heart-open, I-ache-so-much-with-love-for-you-I-could-die-right-now kind of love. He believes Christ loves us, him, you, me, like that, and to him it’s not just a nice-tinkly-pretty concept. The principal of Carey speaks during Tuesday morning chapel and when he talks about God, you can hear that he genuinely, authentically believes that this God loves him, loves him, in the most huge and the most heart-grabbing sense of the word love, and yet this is a man who has gone through so much grief and pain and heartache in his life that I don’t understand how he isn’t cynical about any of this. And so many of the people I talk to here believe in exactly this way, and they speak of it so simply and so matter-of-factly, without any agenda behind it, as if it was as simple and as true as I have a left foot or the sun is out today. They bring it up because it’s part of their lives and part of who they are, not because they want to convince me of anything. (I s’pose that’s one of the benefits of being an undercover doubter.)

And then there are my papers. The Spirit & Trinity lectures are specifically about who God is, the three-personed God, and how the fact that he’s three people as well as one means that loving and being loved is integral to the nature of who he is, because he is three people in a constant dance of delighted relationship, of loving each other completely and being loved, and that we were made to join this dance.* And my Prophets lectures are all about how much God loves his people and how he cannot, cannot bear to give them up and consign ’em to perdition even though they’re depicted as having personally screwed him over (which they really kinda did), and how most of the Prophets are full of his anguish and anger and- heartbreak at this experience, and full of how constantly and faithfully he loves his people despite how often they break his heart.

Love is at the centre of everything I’m hearing. Seriously. It’s coming up again and again, that these people believe, really and truly believe that God loves us, and not in a theoretical, abstract doctrinal way, or in a vague I love ice-cream kind of way, but the way that means I love you so much I hurt with it, I love you so much I can’t stop looking at you, I love you so damn much I would die for you.


And maybe it’s just that I wasn’t listening for it before, or looking for it before, but I came here in order to find out who God was, and I think I’m being told.



* And sometimes, which is to say quite often, I stand back from the whole thing and stare at it because it’s just weird. And Christianity is- when you stand back and look at it- so bizarre. We have a God who is three people? And also one person? How does this make sense? How do we believe this again?
and yet, and yet- so much of the universe doesn’t make sense either

One Response to “Carey.”

  1. […] has disturbed the fabric of the universe to invade my life with thunderbolty manifestations. But I said a week after the beginning of the semester that I came here in order to find out who God was, and I […]

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